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Breast Implants: To Keep or Not to Keep?

By Dr. Juris BunkisJanuary 13, 2025February 11th, 2025No Comments

What do Women Want (From Men)

By Dr. Deborah Ekstrom

I’m impressed, as a plastic surgeon, by the young men in my practice who seem to think if they “fix” a particular “defect” in their personal appearance, then women (or a particular woman that they would like to attract) will “like” them. One young man came to me feeling that the (minuscule) points on his ears were preventing him from attracting women. I assured him that this was not the cause, but he begged and pleaded with me over the next several weeks, firmly convinced of his idea.

This encounter made me realize that most men probably don’t know much about what women, in fact, want. And maybe we are not, ourselves, clear enough at communicating what it is that we are looking for.

KerryAnn works in my practice. She has more material than a professional stand-up comic and her stories are not only clean, but true. (She, a Caribbean American, posted her profile on BlackPeopleMeet.com and reports that she was more than once contacted by old, white, Jewish guys……she is still trying to figure that one out).

I wondered to her if her failure over time to find the right guy was due to her standards being too high. “Oh, no,” she protested, “I’m just looking for a man with good hygiene!”
Since then, the subject has come up for me in the things that I am reading and hearing, and I have realized that what she means (and maybe all of us may mean) has to do with much more than fresh breath and sweet smelling arm pits. Maybe once this becomes clear, men can focus less on their belly, chin, or the amount of hair they have or don’t have, and more on what women really want from them, I thought.

(As a caveat, I realize that men are genetically wired for competition and they may automatically compare themselves with other men when they meet. In their mind they are saying: “He drives a nicer car than I do, but my wife is prettier and he has more hair than I have, but I am taller and more fit looking….etc, etc”.)
But that aside, we are talking about what women want.

That understood, I started to think what “good hygiene” could actually mean in addition to “well washed”. This is what I came up with:
Clean, nicely made, pressed, and laundered, well-fitting clothing and an assured, upright, confident (but not arrogant) carriage. The author of “Mate”, a book for men who are trying to find one, suggests if a man looks like his wardrobe is left over from a raid on the schizophrenic homeless man’s tent, he are not on the right track.

A man who cares for his body, and his mental stability and well-being, his skin and appearance (not motivated by a plan to “fix” a defect that will make him “perfect” and therefore attractive to the same or opposite sex) is practicing a type of hygiene, too. A man who takes the risks to do yoga, meditate, or learn mindfulness (and wear pink shirts) stands out as being self-assured and that is an appealing expression of personal hygiene.

(This short note: men as a rule do not have as good a sense of smell as women. A male surgical colleague at the hospital where I worked early in my career paid good attention to his hygiene, but, with a poor sense of smell and a signature cologne that everybody recognized, the women could all tell when he had stepped out of the elevator a few minutes ahead of them boarding. Best to not over-do the good smelling’ stuff!)

Dr. Bunkis’ Dad smelled great and had excellent hygiene in every area, but he had no clue when it came to snappy dressing. However, he knew that his wife had impeccable taste. Every morning she laid out his clothes, he obligingly wore them, and he rose far from his beginnings as a refuge and immigrant working underground in the mines to become the Head Engineer of that company. He became Chairman of the School Board, and Chairman of the Hospital Board in his community as well. He listened to opera, loved classical music, and took his family on trips across the continent so they, too, could learn “good hygiene”. He knew that his presentation, way of speaking, and way of being mattered and he wasn’t afraid to get assistance when he needed it.

Communication hygiene comes up, too. Poor hygiene communicators have few adjectives and pepper their communication with the “F” word and other more-or-less offensive cuss words.
Men with good communication hygiene have a rich, well-developed vocabulary that avoids the crass and depends on nuanced expression, often developed from a life-long habit of reading and learning. Men with good communication hygiene take responsibility for their communication. (I had a professor who was one of the best hand surgeons in the world, Dr. H. Kirk Watson in Hartford, CT., who was one of the most responsible communicators by whom I have ever been educated. When he explained a concept to me, he would ask, “do you understand?” If I shook my head “no” he would say, “I didn’t explain that right”….. and he would start over from another direction.)

Women unconsciously know that high achievers have good communication skills, earn more, and are more satisfying partners. Word and expression-hygiene matters.

Communication hygiene also involves listening. Men with good listening hygiene are men who stop what they are doing, look you in the eye (gently) and are fully present to the conversation…….present and nowhere else! This kind of communicator understands that the conversation is the relationship. And the relationship (and therefore a quality conversation) is the bedrock of what women (and all people) want.

Financial hygiene is another component. The positive financial state that is produced by a concentrated and consistent work effort (but not overwork) that provides high value results, is a kind of “good hygiene”. The ability to grow and handle wealth, as well as share the responsibility and knowledge that comes with financial success is a highly attractive feature to women (who are hopefully holding up their end of the deal by exhibiting these same traits and not themselves becoming dependent). Dependent men who fail at this type of hygiene become tiresome, develop a drag on their own self-esteem, and earn a dismissive attitude and a loss of respect from women.

Dr John Gottman, a top regarded relationship expert and designer of the Love Lab in Seattle, Washington, (where he can predict with very high probability whether a relationship will survive or end in divorce only 15 minutes into a couple’s conversation), reports the following in his book “The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work”………boys stop taking input from girls at age 1 and 1/2. Girls stop taking input from boys at age 7. While boys are playing chase games, poking each other, and sword fighting with sticks, girls are socializing and growing relationship skills. By the time men get back in the game at age 25 to 35, women are already decades ahead of them. The man who can take input from women at this time are the ones who grow their personal “social hygiene”.

Acceleration of socialization and relationship skills in males requires attention to personal development……a particularly threatening concept to men when vulnerability can be perceived as the thing that men fear most…..being seen as “weak”. (Women’s personal appearance is connected to their area of greatest fears.) This is recognized in business and this area of personal hygiene, social/relationship hygiene, is addressed through leadership training with an eye toward authenticity. In any event, any training of males with personal development in mind helps to develop socialization and empowers leadership. Do women want a man of social strength who can lead? Yes, indeed.

And it turns out corporations want the same thing women want.

Undoubtedly, there are other areas of good hygiene that you are looking for in a well-put-together man (or partner)……what other things are you looking for? I am curious and open to hear. Please respond to this post and let me know (ekstrom@ocps.com)! Thanks for reading.

Finding what you want!

Breast Implants: To Keep or Not to Keep?

By Drs. Deborah Ekstrom and Juris Bunkis

Breast augmentation surgery has been one of the most popular procedures in plastic surgery since we began practicing in the 1980s. It remains a sought-after procedure, with countless patients thrilled by the boost in confidence and femininity it brings.

However, as our practices have matured, so too have the needs of our patients. Today, we increasingly see women who had breast implants placed 20 to 40 years ago and are ready for a change. Some have shifted priorities and prefer a more natural look, while others have experienced issues like capsular contracture or implant aging.

One common scenario is women who have gained weight since their initial augmentation. Their natural breast size has increased, making implants less necessary. Others seek implant removal simply because their aesthetic preferences have evolved.

In many cases, these patients choose to combine implant removal with a breast lift, restoring a youthful shape and profile to their breasts without the need for implants. For some, this approach provides the best of both worlds: a refreshed appearance and freedom from the maintenance associated with implants.

The Pros and Cons of Keeping or Removing Breast Implants
Choosing whether to keep or remove breast implants is a deeply personal decision. Some patients love the fullness implants provide and opt to replace their existing implants with new ones to maintain their desired look. Others feel empowered by the idea of embracing their natural body, especially as it changes with age.

Our role as plastic surgeons is to guide you through this decision-making process, offering honest advice, advanced techniques, and safe solutions to meet your expectations. Whether you are considering your first breast augmentation, implant replacement, or removal, we are here to support your journey with expert care and compassion.

We want you to feel as good as you look. We are currently offering free bioidentical hormone pelleting at the time of each facial rejuvenation patient – to allow patients to feel as good as they look after surgery!

If you want to see if you can have any part of your body improved, contact us for a consultation:

For CA, please call 949-888-9700 or visit www.orangecountyplasticsurgery.com
Or for MA location, call 508-755-4825 or visit www.salisburyps.com